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Man versus Woman Gender Jokes Humor and Satire

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Man versus Woman Gender Jokes Humor and Satire
Friday, May 8, 2009, 03:15 AM
Posted by Administrator
If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.

And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.

A man has six items in his bathroom-a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a soda. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies.

When preparing for work, a woman will put on a expensive outfit, then slip on sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk. A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.

Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat.

A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
9 comments ( 2156 views )
Friday, May 8, 2009, 03:02 AM
Posted by Administrator
A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As the bride undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big guy, tossed his pants to his bride and said, "Here, put these on."

She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants", she said.

"That's right!", said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family!"

With that, the bride flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."

He tried them on, and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecap. He said, "Hell, I can't get into your panties!"

She said, "That's right and that's the way it's going to be until your attitude changes!"
3 comments ( 594 views )
Bad Weather 
Thursday, May 7, 2009, 08:54 AM
Posted by Administrator
A guy goes fishing every Saturday morning. He gets up early and eager, makes his lunch, hooks up his boat and off he goes, all day long.

Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the dog and goes to the garage to hook up his boat to the truck and down the driveway he goes.

As he is coming out of his garage rain is pouring down; it is like a torrential downpour. There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph. Minutes later, he returns to the garage.

He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so he puts his boat back in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back into bed.

There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers,"The weather out there is terrible."

To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
3 comments ( 1313 views )
Married Men Only 
Friday, July 18, 2008, 01:10 AM
Posted by Administrator
In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men.

Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous..or what?"

"Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't
pout when I yell at them."
3 comments ( 1001 views )
Short Gender Jokes #1 
Wednesday, June 25, 2008, 08:13 PM
Posted by Administrator
Wife: "You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?"
Hubby: "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears."
Wife: "You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?"
Hubby: "Yes! I see your picture and ask myself, 'what problem could be greater than this one?'"

Husband: "What are you doing?"
Wife: "Nothing."
Husband: "Nothing? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."
Wife: "I was looking for the expiration date."

A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor."

Boy: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries and troubles and lighten your burden."
Girl: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."
Boy: "Well, that's because we aren't married yet."

Wife: "Do you want dinner?"
Husband: "Sure. What are my choices?"
Wife: "Yes or no."
4 comments ( 357 views )

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